TALES FROM THE LEAST PRODUCTIVE FARM ON EARTH
The comics.
Episode 1 of 3
#01It’s a Farm!
The argument Farmer Polski will never win.
1
FARMER POLSKI“Finally. A day without unexpected expenses.”
2
MRS. POLSKI“Babe! I got us two goats.”
THE DOGS“YAP! YAP! YAP!”
3
FARMER POLSKI“We don’t need more animals!”
MRS. POLSKI“You bought a FARM, Farmer Polski.”
4
MRS. POLSKI“More animals makes sense. IT’S A FARM.”
FARMER POLSKI“…Fine. How much?”
5
BUTCHER BRAIN“Wait. If the goats get to stay… why not Dennis?”
6
MRS. POLSKI“See? Now it feels like a farm.”
FARMER POLSKI“It feels like a fucking expense.”
END OF EPISODE. EVERYBODY’S STILL ALIVE.
#02Room for One More
One job. One donkey. Not one sale.
1
FARMER POLSKI“One pig. Today. Before she buys anything else.”
2
BUTCHER BRAIN“Absolutely. Just let me get into the right headspace.”
3
THE DOGS“YAP! YAP! YAP!”
BUTCHER BRAIN“He’s having a really difficult morning.”
4
MRS. POLSKI“Good news! The goats needed a friend.”
5
FARMER POLSKI“A DONKEY?!”
MRS. POLSKI“You wanted the farm, babe. IT’S A FARM.”
6
BUTCHER BRAIN“Everyone gets a seat. Nobody gets eaten.”
FARMER POLSKI, FROM THE DOORWAY“I’m the one who needs support.”
END OF EPISODE. EVERYBODY’S STILL ALIVE.
#03The Goat or the Deck
One barn full of smoke. One wallet full of nothing.
1
BUTCHER BRAIN“I’m just taking the edge off.”
BUTCHER BRAIN, TEN JOINTS LATER“Which edge was it?”
2
FARMER POLSKI“The deck’s fucked. I’m broke. Something around here needs to make money.”
3
FARMER POLSKI“The East Indian restaurant ordered goat. Slaughter this one, Butcher Brain. That’s my deck money.”
BUTCHER BRAIN“Right. Business goat. No emotional attachment.”
4
FARMER POLSKI“I hate dealing with other cultures.”
MRS. POLSKI“Farmer Polski. Their culture isn’t the problem. Your rotten deck is.”
5
BUTCHER BRAIN“I can’t. He trusts me. And I’ve already named him.”
MRS. POLSKI“Then he stays. I’ll deal with Farmer Polski.”
6
MRS. POLSKI“Come here, babe. Rest your head. The deck can wait. The goat stays.”
FARMER POLSKI, MUFFLED“…Fine. The goat stays.”
BUTCHER BRAIN“Good. Because his name is Deck.”
GOAT: ALIVE. DECK: STILL FUCKED.